Post by Aleksander Sveen on Dec 4, 2014 0:54:47 GMT
Goalkeeping
By Marcus Barnes
Everyone sets goals, but they aren’t always met. Whether it be time restraints, or what computer enthusiasts call a ‘user error’, goals sometimes fall just short of their initial hope. Over the years, my professional goals have varied. They’ve changed; morphed into new goals that existed in others. Like putting a beautiful dress on an ugly woman, I would find myself changing my mind and direction when I was much younger. That’s to be expected though, because rarely you get it right the first time, although I’d like to believe that could be the case with other ideas.
A personal goal of mine that has stood the test of time, for some years now, has been to graduate with a degree. I set this goal shortly after I came the realization I probably wasn’t going to get too far being a guy who wasn’t very sure of what he wanted to do in the future, at that time, of course. Select a career choice, a path; get moving in the direction of something positive – that’s what I said to myself. It can’t hurt you, and you’ll thank yourself down the road when you overcame a small fear of attending college. I’d like to write that person a letter, thanking him for making the executive decision to enroll years ago.
The idea of walking away with an actual degree – not necessarily in my hand – but the idea itself was intriguing. I had made my own personal decision long before enrolling to a local college in Virginia Beach, that you get what you put in to a college education, and not vice versa. There were quite a few times I had met individuals with college degrees – revered ones – yet in all actuality, I was not quite impressed with their aptitude. Some were even downright non-intelligent, but that’s just a formed opinion, and not fact. What I told myself is that if they can do it, so can I, but it wasn’t going to be a golden ticket. It wouldn’t secure my future.
Obtaining what I truly wanted would take time, obviously; getting an education isn’t an overnight ordeal, you see. It takes a lot of dedication, and frankly, a shit ton of guts, especially in our society where quite a few people work multiple jobs. I am fortunate (I like to think) that I only work one job, but wouldn’t object to a second that helped pay the bills. It is a realistic goal though, one that takes constant action to achieve and certainly can slip through the fingers of even the juggernauts of time management. Slow and steady win the race. I tell myself this all the time. Each time I do I believe it a little more.
Other goals in my life fall into the professional category, and unfortunately, that’s an ever-shifting idea that I will one day be content and happy with my financial draw in life. Maybe it’s my perfectionist views that enable me to think I deserve more, better, or even just something a bit higher up on the ladder. Systematically I descend that ladder. I’ve slipped, just like others have – hell, I’ve fallen off the damn thing before – but I got back on it. However, it never seems enough. I am never quite satisfied, because I have always believed you should love what you do. You shouldn’t have to grit your teeth through miserable experiences to earn a dollar.
Therefore, that leaves me to believe there must be one path for me. I just haven’t found it yet, but I’ve spawned ideas that will lead me in the direction of where I want to be. A journey to achieve an English degree isn’t necessarily highly respected by peers, because where does it fit in with our society of Software Engineers and Medical professionals? Top earning careers look down upon the ideology of those that embody the route of something deemed unconventional; artistic endeavors are usually frowned upon, initially. You can’t gauge how much a writer makes, and even if I do see what lies at the end of my journey, will it even supplement my hunger for something better? Some questions cannot be answered.
Some time ago I realized that the big man upstairs – God, or JC to be more specific – didn’t build me to withstand some of the workplace structures of modern society. Perhaps that’s just a copout in comparison to something deeper, but we will go with what I deployed first. Working set schedules under people you may or may not respect isn’t what it is always cracked up to be. The idea that I can someone do it all by myself; carving my own path without the help of so many others is a large idea. It is spellbinding. Another followed my slow-paced realization. I should write, and not just for The Daily Breeze.
It’s never that easy though, but I knew from the start that I wanted to write an actual book. A novel more than likely, but I didn’t have the tools for the job at the time. Still don’t, to be honest. I had been writing my own material for years, and some of it wasn’t quite garbage. Therefore, my thoughts connected into the idea I should return to school, which was something I was putting off in itself for some time. Make some changes, and get back to achieving my education. This time, I might walk away with more, since I’d be putting in more. This professional goal is very far in the distance, unfortunately; I haven’t shared this though with anyone I know, since I figure I can’t guarantee when I will even begin to set out on this goal.
It’s hard to put this professional goal up against the measurable of what this paper is about. It isn’t exactly any of them, but it’s all of them at the same time – assuming you understand where I am coming from. I had mentioned that I didn’t have all the tools in my box to complete this task, and a lot of it rides on attending college again. Although, I don’t think I will walk away with a lot more ammunition for this, just some. An English degree doesn’t give you the right to write a book at all. That’s the tricky part, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get myself more adjusted to do what I seek to while completing that personal goal I had mentioned before. Yes, it all connects.
Last, but certainly not least, would be the goal that hovers over my academic wellbeing. I’m not a big student by all means, but something tells me to push much harder this time. Maybe it’s the fact I am getting older, or perhaps it’s the idea that I can’t walk away again. Don’t be a quitter. I can hear my First Sergeant’s voice ring along the screwed up pronunciation of my last name. That was also one thing I’d never forget, but in terms of what I want to achieve academically, it all comes full circle with putting more into to get more out.
Part of that goal is to be like a ninja – literally – I want to be practically invisible to all Tidewater University Online staff. This means I don’t want to have any conversations that aren’t avoidable, because this would mean I would be having an issue with grades or something along the lines of getting in the way of school by itself. In fact, I have received a generous amount of voicemails from the school already – all promptly deleted, but screened thoroughly with texted voicemail – none of which was exactly important. This all coincides with the fact I want to remain anonymous. Just a ghost college student patiently approaching an English degree. I am not even here. This paper does not exist.
The determination to do well is there, and while my words may stagger some people, they aren’t intentionally sharpened for harm. They’re designed to complete tasks, and those just happen to be assignments for school. My goal is specific, and measurable, because I will know if it has gone wrong. I would have been discovered – perhaps my footsteps were discovered – next time I will be more careful. All jokes aside, I intend to put forth a ton of effort to make sure no class is left behind. That’s my own saying for I won’t be neglecting anything because I think it’s unimportant, or unnecessary. English classes don’t get the VIP treatment, but I can’t promise they won’t attract me a little more.
The results from all my goals point to the same thing, and while the circle is complete at this point, it lacks a core. It lacks the outcome. The guts and the point. Simple things, such as a GPA, or even a grade book, can measure my accountability. I look forward to the day I can write and enjoy myself, knowing that even if I cannot publish a book, I can look into other options for my awkward specialty. There aren’t any guarantees, but I have learned to embrace the future with a smile, even if it doesn’t smile back.
